Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
