He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
