If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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