Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
