I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
