I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
