I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
