Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
