lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
