If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
