Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
