I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
