I feel great
I just peed on a car
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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