Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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