just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
