I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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