dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
