I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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