it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
