I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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