he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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