Don't make out with my wife yet
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
