You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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