I think my fart just growled at me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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