Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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