i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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