you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
