Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
