Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
