my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
