id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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