PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just high enough for therapy.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
