Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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