I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The air was thick with penises
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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