This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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