I'm going to jail i love you
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
