My brain says no but my pants say off.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
