come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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