Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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