yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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