I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
