Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
