He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
