Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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