thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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