we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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