i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
