whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
