call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
