my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
