My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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