I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
